Today has been a hard day. Meredi just isn't getting her feeding thing down. She hasn't had any more central apnea, which is great, but even though tomorrow is the last day that we had to count apnea, she's still not ready to go home b/c of her feeds. She just can't stay focused long enough to finish. She stays awake long enough - and she's curious and looks all around and is darn cute about it all - but she just won't finish her feeds.
So today mom lost it when the nurse practitioner said "enjoy your VISIT with your daughter" - *sigh* - and then, while walking out the dor,the nurse says "enjoy your BREAK" - *sigh* again!
Visiting my baby and being given breaks from my baby aren't the things I want.
So, all that came to mind today was that old deodorant commercial that said "Never let them see you sweat" - I walked out of the nursery thinking to myself "Never let them see you cry!" I made it to the restroom and had a good old, Oprah "ugly cry", then walked to my OB's office and hung out there for a while until I felt better.
I remember week 2 being the hardest with the girls. Joseph came home in 2 weeks - but they were here 3 weeks. And I remember at two weeks feeling like they'd never, ever actually live in the same house with me. They got it, they came home - it all works out, I know. But today, right now, it's just lonely and hard. I miss my baby girl - I miss my babies at home. This isn't exactly how we had hoped to be spending our spring vacation. They're such good sports though. We'll get through this and even one day get to the point where we can say, "It wasn't THAT bad." But right now, it is THAT bad!
Hopefully Miss Meredi is getting the rest and growth she needs and in the next couple of days she'll "wake up" and get hungry enough to eat her feeds. It's just over 2 oz...it doesn't seem like much, but right now, it's more than she can do. Please keep thinking those good thoughts for her.
3 comments:
I don't really know what to say other than I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to spend long hours away from your precious baby. We hope she comes home soon and we'll keep her in our prayers. It's a good thing she's so cute
Lauren
Oh geez! It seems like it is inevitable it will be on her terms, how dare her!
Seriously though, I am praying for you everyday. And your entire family. I know it has to be tiring to everyone. I am so sorry you have to recover in a hospital waiting room. And you can't get a chance to just be home and truly relax with your while family. That shows just how good of a mom you are, and that sweet Merideth is meant to be with you, because you can make it through this crappy stint in NICU!
You are in my thoughts, thank you for keeping us updated.
It's ok to cry.
Oh Man... I remember those days, Nurses saying things so hurtful, yet unintentional, "How lucky for you to not have to do anything else all this time except be in the hospital". Yeah - Like I want to be in the hospital for weeks at a time! Sigh.
((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))
Not too much longer, and you get to take her HOME.
Suzi
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